Bizarre – Season 1 – Ep 3

Oct 31, 1980

Sketches include a sports equipment store that sells very large and small items, a play reviewed by two professional wrestlers, a smog shrouded interview with the mayor of Los Angeles, an interview with a Cadillac spokesman about new models and a restaurant dinner that has people borrowing items constantly from the two.

John Byner – Host/Various Characters
Bob Einstein – Producer

Guest Stars
Jack Newman – Various Characters
Melissa Steinberg – Various Characters

Staff
Perry Rosemond – Producer
Allan Blye – Executive Producer
Bob Einstein – Executive Producer
Geoff Craigen – Editor
Stephanie Chaffin – Assistant to the Producer
Virginia Kavangh – Production Assistant
Garry Blye – Production Consultant

In the opening sketch, Dr. Byner ascends a very long ladder to start an examination of Karim Abdul-Jabbar, a professional basketball player.

Next, Professor Rousseau talks abut human anatomy and attributes his expertise to learning under his father. The professor pulls back a cover to reveal of what he is says is the skeleton of his father. After pulling back other covers to reveal his father as skeletons of his father as a boy, a dog, a cat, a mouse and a snake, Bob intervenes and ends the sketch early. As they move on to the next sketch, John reaches up to Bob’s jacket and says he is holding his father as a piece of lint.

In the next sketch, a customer enters a sports equipment looking to get money back on a set of golf clubs his wife bought and says they are unusable as they are six feet long. The store owner says those are Wellington clubs and states you need Wellington shoes to play them and pulls out golf shoes with two foot long spikes. The customer wants his money back but the owner says he can only exchange purchases and offers to give him Dorsett tennis equipment. The owner pulls out a tiny tennis racquet and a tiny can of tennis balls and this aggravates the customer. Finally, the owner gives the customer a bowling ball but the customer notices the ball has no holes and the owner gives him a bowling ball bag full of holes.

Two women sit down at a table at a male strip joint but their talk of art and classical music runs into descriptions of the unseen male strippers they see on stage and attempts to get back on topic fail miserably.

John hosts a segment in which two wrestlers, El Ciccone and The Masked Critic, review Old Town. The words soon lead to angry boasts and the wrestlers soon start boasting where they will review next before grappling with John talking loudly where they will review next.

With most of the screen obscured by smog, a reporter interviews the mayor of Los Angeles about getting the 1984 Olympics and the mayor says there will be no smog in 1984 for the games as it won’t be any worse than it is now.

In the next segment, a reporter talks with Arthur Leffingwell, vice president of General Motors Cadillac division, about the public’s demands for smaller cars. Arthur says they will give their customers what they want despite this and unveils the 1981 El Dorado model, which is half the size of the current model. To demonstrate that it’s just as spacious as the current model, Arthur gets a test family of six to get into the 81 model and they do so though it is an extremely tight fit. Arthur pronounces this test a success and shows him the 82 Seville, which is the size of a small toy car, and gets a few men to help the family though the elderly grandmother remains pinned inside.

A man and wife sit down for dinner at a restaurant but things go awry when the man is asked by other customers for one of the chairs, salt, a lighter and a cigarette, his fork, cream, his wife, the keys to the car, the table he is seated at and is asked to move to another chair. After his chair taken and he literally gives his right hand, the man gets upset and is given the advice to never come into the restaurant. John staggers off the set wailing and moaning in an imitation of Jerry Lewis and even pies himself in the face backstage as well as the camera following him.

With pie still on his face, John thanks the audience for watching the high brow comedy they put on tonight.